Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
