Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
