conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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