don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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