Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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