tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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