Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
