Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
