I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
