:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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