On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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