I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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