Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
