Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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