Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
