I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
