He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
