i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
