what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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