We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
