DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
