I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
