i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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