Can i not drive my cunt home
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
