I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My bed smells like the plague
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
