we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
