mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
