i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize