he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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