Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
