Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i now understand why vodka
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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