so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
