sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
