you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
