Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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