Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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