i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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