She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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