but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Panties = found
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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