I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
