never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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