It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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