There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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