someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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