I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im holly from the hills drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
