No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
