tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
