I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
