If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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