Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
